Luke 17:11-19

Picture this:  you find yourself with the most dreaded disease of your day.  You have places on your skin that look atrocious.  You have nerve damage and you can’t move well because this disease makes your muscles weak.  You are in constant pain.  You are required by the law of the land to shout “unclean” anytime others get close to you.  You have heard about this man that is going through the land healing people and showing compassion.  But you have no hope because your sickness will surely keep him away from you.  You are banned to hang out with others that have the dreaded disease as well.  Even though you are with those of another tribe or nation, you band together just so you can belong to something.  You have to be always alert so you can warn others as they approach to stay away.  All of the sudden one of the others says, “Get ready, here comes some people!”  This crowd is a different kind of crowd.  Looks like there are 13 of them.  You think, “Wait a minute, that man travels with 12 others.  Could it be him?  Could this be the Jesus that we have heard about?”  They get closer….you recognize him and call out “Jesus, Master!  Have pity on us!!”  He does not move away but moves closer.  You hear his gentle voice simply say, “Go show yourselves to the priests.” You are confused, but he said it with great authority and you and 9 others begin to leave.  As you go, you have feeling back that you had lost.  Your skin is miraculously healed!  You have no more sores!  You celebrate and have five one another without fear you fingers will fall off!  They take off running to show themselves to the priests!  You stop.  You turn around and run back to Jesus shouting praises to God.  And you fall at the feet of Jesus and you thank Him for this incredible gift.  “Thank you Jesus for healing me!  Thank you for making me whole!”  Then he speaks, “Were not all ten cleansed?  Where are the other nine?  Was no one found to return and give praise to God except this foreigner?  Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”

What a beautiful story.  This thankful Samaritan was cleansed just like the other nine.  He was restored and given a new chance at life, just like the other nine.  But what made him different?  He noticed.  Once he noticed that his life was forever changed, he returned to say thanks.  The English Poet and Artist Dante Rossetti said “The worst moment for the atheist is when he is really thankful, and has nobody to thank.”  The Samaritan Leper knew that he had somebody to thank and he stopped dead in his tracks, left those that were running to the priests, and thanked the one who made him whole.

There are a few things you and I can learn from the example of the Samaritan Leper.

1.       We don’t have to be shy about praising God and being thankful for His goodness.

a.       Remember that praise is looking at God’s face

b.      Thanksgiving is looking at His hands

2.       Our race and social standing are the same in the eyes of Christ. 

a.       The ground is level at the foot of the cross

b.      The gift comes to us whether we receive it or not

3.       Sometimes we just have to believe that God will do what he says He will do.

4.       When we notice the gift and appreciate that gift, the gift gets bigger.

a.       Zig Ziglar wrote: “Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions.  The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.”

What are you thankful for today?  I encourage you this week to take some time alone and thank God for the blessings He has given you.  After you spend that time alone, I encourage you not to be shy about sharing it with others.

Two Songs and an Identity Crisis

Two Songs and an Identity Crisis

Released on July 14, 1978, Peter Townsend and his group The Who, asked the question in the form of a song, “Who are you?” 

Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?

I woke up in a Soho doorway
A policeman knew my name
He said "You can go sleep at home tonight
If you can get up and walk away"

I staggered back to the underground
And the breeze blew back my hair
I remember throwin' punches around
And preachin' from my chair

[chorus:]
Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
'Cause I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

I took the tube back out of town
Back to the Rollin' Pin
I felt a little like a dying clown
With a streak of Rin Tin Tin

I stretched back and I hiccupped
And looked back on my busy day
Eleven hours in the Tin Pan
God, there's got to be another way

Who are you?
Ooh wa ooh wa ooh wa ooh wa ...

Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?

[chorus]

I know there's a place you walked
Where love falls from the trees
My heart is like a broken cup
I only feel right on my knees

I spit out like a sewer hole
Yet still recieve your kiss
How can I measure up to anyone now
After such a love as this?

[chorus]

It seems that one of the great questions we face in and out of faith on a regular basis is this question of just who are you?  When asked, often we begin answering who we are by describing what we do.  We are quick to say I am a father, I am a husband, I am a college administrator, I am a believer, or I am a sports fanatic.  Yet, the question remains, who are you?  My name is Mitchell Lee Marlowe.  Mitchell is my mother’s maiden name, Lee is my maternal grandfather’s first name and of course Marlowe is my dad’s surname.  There are times when I love hearing my name called.  However, just like you, I am sure that there are many times when I do not really care to hear my name called.  For example, when a frustrated parent calls me and they are upset about a charge on their student’s account or when that person calls you at work that you dread talking to because you not it is not going to be pretty. 

Who are you?

About four years after this song was released, a TV sitcom was introduced in 1982 whose theme song would enter our homes almost every Thursday night the next 11 years.

 
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. 

Wouldn't you like to get away? 

Sometimes you want to go 

Where everybody knows your name, 
and they're always glad you came. 
You wanna be where you can see, 
our troubles are all the same 
You wanna be where everybody knows 
Your name. 

You wanna go where people know, 
people are all the same, 
You wanna go where everybody knows 
your name. 

You wanna go where people know, 
people are all the same, 
You wanna go where everybody knows 
your name. 

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/tvthemes/cheerslyrics.html

Are you humming that song yet?  This of course was the theme song for the long-running show CHEERS.  The song portrayed a place where it was okay to go, leave your troubles behind, and feel the love of that place where everybody knows your name.  Through the delusions, disasters and disappointments life brings to us each day, there is great comfort in knowing that someone cares enough to call us by name.  God sure seems to think about the importance of a name.  In fact, the idea of a name is referenced many times in His Word.  In Isaiah 40:26 the Bible says, “Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:  Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name.  Because of His great strength, not one of them is missing.” In Psalm 147:4 David wrote that “He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.”    The great passage in John 10 that talks sheep and the great shepherd makes an interesting observation in that the shepherd knows his sheep so well that he calls them by name.  Several other places throughout scripture God refers to the importance of the name being listed in the book of life.  Psalm 68 refers to the enemies that King David has incurred and one of the requests he makes before God is to blot out their names from the book of life.  Paul refers to his fellow workers in Philippians 4:3 “whose names are in the book of life.”  The book of Revelation refers several times about this book of life and the importance of one’s name being in it.  Revelation 3:5 states “He who overcomes will, like them (referring to the people in Sardis mentioned in verse 4), be dressed in white.  I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and His angels.”  However, in other instances there are great consequences for one’s name not being in the book of life (Revelation 13:8, 17:8, 20:15, 21:27). 

With this in mind, here are a few observations.

• 1.       God could teach us lots about love found in a bar.  There are some strong implications for the church in both of these misfit songs.
• 2.       God knows your name.  He cares so much for you that He has made a way for you to have fellowship with Him through His son.
• 3.       God wants your name to be written in the book of life.
• 4.       God knows all about you yet through Christ He loves you! 
• 5.       The devil knows your name but calls you by your sin.  God knows your sin but calls you by your name!
• 6.       God knows that there may have been lots of lost time between you and He, but He is willing and able to begin making you feel loved and appreciated right now.

Who are you?   

 
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. 

Wouldn't you like to get away? 

The beautiful thing about the love of God is that it is available to you and me right now, right here, and you don’t have to get away.  His arms are open wide and He knows your name.

Who are you?  In the eyes of God through Christ you are a saint, you are a priest, you are a chosen people.  How do I know? The Bible tells me so.

Were You There?

One of my favorite songs during this time of the year is the old spiritual Were You There.  My family has to suffer early in the morning when I pretend I have a rich baritone voice and sing it quite loudly.  Now published in 145 Hymnals, it was first published in William Barton's Old Plantation Hymns in 1899.  It is such a simple song yet one of the most the most powerful hymns of all time.  While it paints a picture of the crucifixion of our Lord and somehow allows you to travel through time to the hill called Golgotha and gives you a front row seat to the most horrific scene of all history where the Son of God is killed.  The passion and pain that this song exhibits reminds me that it was my sin that nailed Him to the tree and my greed that laid Him in the tomb.  The April 10th reading of Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest reminded me that I must decide to be co-crucified with Christ and that I must make a moral decision about my sin.  I have to decide just as Christ did that my sin not be (in Chambers' words) "curbed or suppressed or counteracted, but crucified."  This decision must be mine and I must allow God to examine me and reveal to me those things that keep me from a closer relationship with Him.  Then I must live out Galatians 2:20 and be crucified with Christ so that I no longer live but Christ lives in me.  Yes, I was there when they nailed Him to that tree and when they laid Him in the tomb.  Okay, maybe I was not there physically, but I am convinced that I was on the heart and in mind of Christ because He knew that I would be a sorry sinner in need of a relationship with a Holy God. So yes, I was there when they nailed Him to that tree and I was there when they laid Him in that tomb.  But thanks be to God that I was there and have experienced His power that raised Him from the dead conquering my sin and overcoming my greed!  This is why I sing with as much passion and gusto as I can "Oh, Oh, Oh, yes sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble."  Yes I was there, but so was He....and He is still with me just as He is with you if you have asked Him to be there for you.  Thank you Jesus for loving me that much!  

Dealing with Difficult Conversations

Difficult Conversations

Overview:  Often we are faced with difficult conversations looming in front of us, those times that you know you should talk with someone, but you are fearful to do so.  Perhaps it is letting your parents know that you are moving to another part of the world or you need to confront a co-worker about not doing their job.  Whatever the case, difficult conversations are part of the work environment. This session will identify several types of difficult conversations that are very common in the workplace and steps in overcoming not only the fear but how to actually initiate those conversations for the common good. 

Brainstorm what comes to mind when you hear difficult conversations.  Perhaps your list is similar to the one below:

a.       Ending a relationship

b.      Talking to a co-worker who behaves offensively or makes suggestive comments

c.       Asking a friend to repay a loan

d.      Giving the boss feedback about his/her behavior

e.      Critiquing a colleague’s work

f.        Asking a roommate to move out

g.       Talking to a team member who isn’t keeping commitments

h.      Discussing a problem with sexual intimacy

i.         Confronting a loved one about a substance abuse problem

j.        Talking to a coworker concerning personal hygiene.

What makes these types of conversations difficult? 

Definition of a Difficult Conversation:

One person states that a difficult conversation is “a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong” (Liebau, 2012).  Lynne Cunningham of the Studer Group, an agency that helps promote leadership training, states “after spiders, snakes and public speaking, people seem most afraid of having difficult conversations” (Cunningham, 2013).  Nevertheless, the most difficult thing about difficult conversations is the fear of what may happen. 

Understanding Fear:

Fear has a tendency to make us stop dead in our tracks.  The American Heritage College Dictionary defines fear as “a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by present or imminent danger” (Pickett, 2007).  Notice what fear is:  a feeling.  Crooner Andy Williams released a song in 1975 that offers some pretty sound advice about feelings.  It is simply “Feelings, Whoa Whoa Feelings.”  The point being made is simply that one must realize that fear is nothing more than a feeling and it should be recognized as such.  Fear can be overcome.  Nelson Mandela once stated “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear” (USA TODAY, 2013). 

Some common acronyms for fear might include the following:

False Evidence Appearing Real

Forget Everything And Run

Face Everything And Rise

If one can understand the concept of fear, he or she is well on the way to having successful difficult conversations.  Overcoming fear is a topic of many seminars, workshops and books.  One such approach offers the following steps to help one overcome fear by utilizing a fear ladder:

·         Make a list. Make a list of the frightening situations related to your phobia. If you’re afraid of flying, your list (in addition to the obvious, such as taking a flight or getting through takeoff) might include booking your ticket, packing your suitcase, driving to the airport, watching planes take off and land, going through security, boarding the plane, and listening to the flight attendant present the safety instructions.

·         Build your fear ladder. Arrange the items on your list from the least scary to the most scary. The first step should make you slightly anxious, but not so frightened that you’re too intimidated to try it. When creating the ladder, it can be helpful to think about your end goal (for example, to be able to be near dogs without panicking) and then break down the steps needed to reach that goal.

·         Work your way up the ladder. Start with the first step (in this example, looking at pictures of dogs) and don’t move on until you start to feel more comfortable doing it. If at all possible, stay in the situation long enough for your anxiety to decrease. The longer you expose yourself to the thing you’re afraid of, the more you’ll get used to it and the less anxious you’ll feel when you face it the next time. If the situation itself is short (for example, crossing a bridge), do it over and over again until your anxiety starts to lessen. Once you’ve done a step on several separate occasions without feeling too much anxiety, you can move on to the next step. If a step is too hard, break it down into smaller steps or go slower.

·         Practice. It’s important to practice regularly. The more often you practice, the quicker your progress will be. However, don’t rush. Go at a pace that you can manage without feeling overwhelmed. And remember: you will feel uncomfortable and anxious as you face your fears, but the feelings are only temporary. If you stick with it, the anxiety will fade. Your fears won’t hurt you.  (Smith, Segal, & Segal, 2014)

Through this process or one similar, one can hurdle the greatest obstacle in actually having a difficult conversation.  The next step could include a variety of methods depending on the type of situation that requires a difficult conversation.  However, one’s ongoing personal development process is a vital piece not only in leadership and character development, but in the approach to how difficult conversations will play out.  Before outlining other steps, this concept of personal development and its benefits should be discussed further.  A recent leadership blog written by leadership expert John C. Maxwell reminds its readers that difficult conversations and the like could be driven by character or by emotion.  Previous discussion above has outlined that fear is a feeling.  It could be stated even further that a feeling could be defined as an emotion.  Dr. Maxwell distinguishes several attributes between character-driven people and emotion-driven people that useful in understanding how difficult conversations should be presented. 

Character-Driven People…	Emotion-Driven People…
1.       Do right, then feel good.	1. Feel good, then do right.
2.       Are commitment driven.	2.       Are convenience driven.
3.       Make principle-based decisions.	3.  Make popular decisions.
4.       Let action control attitude.	4.  Let attitude control action.
5.       Believe it, then see it.	5. See it, then believe it.
6.       Create momentum.	6.  Wait for momentum.
7.       Ask, “What are my responsibilities?”	7.  Ask, “What are my rights?”
8.       Continue when problems arise.	8. Quit when problems arise.
9.       Are steady.	9. Are moody.
10.   Are leaders.	10. Are followers.

(Maxwell, 2014)

As portrayed by the chart above, character-driven people keep going even when it gets tough.  Maxwell goes on to quote the late western novelist Louis L’Amour to show the benefits of being character-driven.  “When asked the key to his prolific writing, he responded, ‘Start writing, no matter what.  The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.’”  In other words, one’s character development will produce significant impact on how he or she approaches many areas of life as well as understanding how to deal with difficult conversations.

With this understanding, it would now be beneficial to enter into a practical discussion concerning difficult conversation models.  The Studer Group identifies several models in which they and others have found great success.  The first model is the Impact Message. This model includes the following four steps:

1.       Describe the behavior

2.       Describe the impact

3.       Indicate the desired change

4.       Get a commitment (Cunningham, 2013)

 This model could be used for a leader to a follower could be incorporated the following way:

                When you don’t follow the guidelines that have been established…

                The result is that I don’t feel I have been clear in what needs to be done…

                I need you to let me know you clearly understand what I expect…

Can you help me make sure that I am explaining in a way that you understand and can accomplish the task?

A second model that the Studer Group utilizes is Cup of Coffee Conversation (Cunningham, 2013).  This would be used in a peer to peer situation.  It begins with affirmation and appreciation but then let them know you saw something that was uncharacteristic and not consistent with the set standards. It could flow the following way:

“Fred, let’s go have a cup of coffee.” Start by telling Fred something that you genuinely appreciate about him and his work. With coffee in hand, “I have noticed that you did not do the report according to the guidelines that the company has established.  This doesn’t live up to our standards and concerns me.”  Then pause and take a sip of coffee.  Typically, this will allow Fred to respond to what you have said.  You are not pointing out what he has done that is bad, but a concern you have experienced. 

A third model described by the Studer Group is the Low Performer Conversation (Cunningham, 2013).  This model helps use an evidence-based model where someone is demonstrating in appropriate behavior which is inconsistent to the established policies.  This would be a conversation that an employer would have with his or her team member.  It would best follow something like the DESK model:

D:  Describe what has been observed.

E:  Evaluate how you feel.

S:  Show what needs to be done.

K:  Know the consequences of continued same performance (Cunningham, 2013).

Benjamin Franklin once stated that “Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave the unsaid the wrong thing at the wrong moment” (Liebau, 2012).  It is important to address the concern that has been presented and not to turn this into a time of bashing and belittlement.

Benefits of Mastering Difficult Conversations

As one can imagine, there are many benefits in becoming a master of difficult conversations.  Liebau has listed several that include the following:

• ·         Kick-starts your career (and strengthens your current position)
• ·         Improves your organization
• ·         It improves and builds stronger relationships
• ·         Revitalizes your community
• ·         It will improve your personal health

o   Releases and prevents built up emotion that studies have shown to be harmful to one’s health

o   Research has shown that the survival rate among those have learned to express themselves effectively is much greater than those that have not (Liebau, 2012)

It can be stated that every person makes mistakes at some time in the work place.  Maxwell’s research and writings previously mentioned imply that a good leader will come alongside someone to help them grow.  He states in another article, “If you’re a leader, it is your responsibility and your privilege to be the person who helps them get better” (Maxwell, John Maxwell on Leadership, 2010).  This demonstrates caring which in turn makes difficult conversations easier to approach.  It is the experience of this writer that those that I lead do not care how much I know until they know how much I care.  If I care and have established that relationship showing them this, then I will be able to have difficult conversations in a more effective manner.  If not, I will be ineffective in that difficult conversation and will perhaps create more problems in my approach.

Works Cited:

Cunningham, L. (2013, April 21). Difficult Conversations: Three Models for Your Leadership. Gulf Breeze, FL. Retrieved March 31, 2014, from https://www.studergroup.com/thoughts/archive/difficult_conversations.dot

Liebau, B. (2012, November). Strategies for Difficult Conversations. Fredericksburg, VA. Retrieved March 31, 2014, from http://students.umw.edu/wellness/files/2012/11/Strategies-for-Difficult-Conversations-Student-Leadership-Conference-November-2012.pdf

Maxwell, J. C. (2010, December 20). John Maxwell on Leadership. Retrieved January 8, 2014, from http://johnmaxwellonleadership.com/2010/12/20/for-leaders-balancing-care-with-candor/

Maxwell, J. C. (2014, April 11). Are You Driven By Character or Emotion? Retrieved from http://www.johnmaxwell.com/blog/are-you-driven-by-character-or-emotion?utm_source=WhatCounts+Publicaster+Edition&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Are+You+Driven+by+Character+or+Emotion%3f+%7c+By%3a+John+C.+Maxwell&utm_content=CLICK+HERE

Pickett, J. P. (Ed.). (2007). The American Heritage College Dictionary (Fourth ed.). Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Ringer, J. (n.d.). We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations. Retrieved April 12, 2012, from www.judyringer.com

Smith, M., Segal, R., & Segal, J. (2014). Phobias and Fears. Retrieved April 11, 2014, from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/phobia_symptoms_types_treatment.htm

USA TODAY. (2013, December 6). 15 of Nelson Mandela's Best Quotes.

My Daughter's School Assignment

I shouldn't be surprised.  She has always been creative.  She has always been smart. And, she has always been independent.  So when she shared with me her assignment from one of her 6th grade classes, I knew I had to exercise my parental bragging rights and share this with you....with her permission of course!  Check out this insight from an 11 year old.....

I’m from the secrets that have never been retold.

The whispers sway one direction, not to be swayed again.

The sweet sound of my mother’s voice, crushed into a noise that only I can hear.

I’m from the sweet memories as if they were my feet, I walk on them everyday.

Crushing, breaking, destroying the bad, making new memories.

I’m from the tragic, devastating moments that made me scared and stubborn.

I’m from the cumbers my grandpa grew.

The fresh, green veggie that came up from the soil.

I’m from those sunny Sunday mornings that brought me closer to God.

I’m from those times my sisters dropped vases on their toe.

I’m from those fights that never lasted, the ones where we belly laughed afterword.

From the holding hands when I prayed to sipping Dr. Pepper.

The rivalry between the bears and the panthers that always lasted.

I’m from those summer nights when you would have to eat my momma’s fries for dessert.

The crisp, darkened potato slices you’d have to digest for sweetness.

From playing ball, to dancing around.

I’m from North Carolina, where we do things right.

That’s where I’m from, so what have you gotta say?

 Madi Marlowe

3-10-2014