Two Songs and an Identity Crisis

Two Songs and an Identity Crisis

Released on July 14, 1978, Peter Townsend and his group The Who, asked the question in the form of a song, “Who are you?” 

Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?

I woke up in a Soho doorway
A policeman knew my name
He said "You can go sleep at home tonight
If you can get up and walk away"

I staggered back to the underground
And the breeze blew back my hair
I remember throwin' punches around
And preachin' from my chair

[chorus:]
Well, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
Tell me, who are you? (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)
'Cause I really wanna know (Who are you? Who, who, who, who?)

I took the tube back out of town
Back to the Rollin' Pin
I felt a little like a dying clown
With a streak of Rin Tin Tin

I stretched back and I hiccupped
And looked back on my busy day
Eleven hours in the Tin Pan
God, there's got to be another way

Who are you?
Ooh wa ooh wa ooh wa ooh wa ...

Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?
Who are you?
Who, who, who, who?

[chorus]

I know there's a place you walked
Where love falls from the trees
My heart is like a broken cup
I only feel right on my knees

I spit out like a sewer hole
Yet still recieve your kiss
How can I measure up to anyone now
After such a love as this?

[chorus]

It seems that one of the great questions we face in and out of faith on a regular basis is this question of just who are you?  When asked, often we begin answering who we are by describing what we do.  We are quick to say I am a father, I am a husband, I am a college administrator, I am a believer, or I am a sports fanatic.  Yet, the question remains, who are you?  My name is Mitchell Lee Marlowe.  Mitchell is my mother’s maiden name, Lee is my maternal grandfather’s first name and of course Marlowe is my dad’s surname.  There are times when I love hearing my name called.  However, just like you, I am sure that there are many times when I do not really care to hear my name called.  For example, when a frustrated parent calls me and they are upset about a charge on their student’s account or when that person calls you at work that you dread talking to because you not it is not going to be pretty. 

Who are you?

About four years after this song was released, a TV sitcom was introduced in 1982 whose theme song would enter our homes almost every Thursday night the next 11 years.

 
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. 

Wouldn't you like to get away? 

Sometimes you want to go 

Where everybody knows your name, 
and they're always glad you came. 
You wanna be where you can see, 
our troubles are all the same 
You wanna be where everybody knows 
Your name. 

You wanna go where people know, 
people are all the same, 
You wanna go where everybody knows 
your name. 

You wanna go where people know, 
people are all the same, 
You wanna go where everybody knows 
your name. 

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/tvthemes/cheerslyrics.html

Are you humming that song yet?  This of course was the theme song for the long-running show CHEERS.  The song portrayed a place where it was okay to go, leave your troubles behind, and feel the love of that place where everybody knows your name.  Through the delusions, disasters and disappointments life brings to us each day, there is great comfort in knowing that someone cares enough to call us by name.  God sure seems to think about the importance of a name.  In fact, the idea of a name is referenced many times in His Word.  In Isaiah 40:26 the Bible says, “Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:  Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name.  Because of His great strength, not one of them is missing.” In Psalm 147:4 David wrote that “He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.”    The great passage in John 10 that talks sheep and the great shepherd makes an interesting observation in that the shepherd knows his sheep so well that he calls them by name.  Several other places throughout scripture God refers to the importance of the name being listed in the book of life.  Psalm 68 refers to the enemies that King David has incurred and one of the requests he makes before God is to blot out their names from the book of life.  Paul refers to his fellow workers in Philippians 4:3 “whose names are in the book of life.”  The book of Revelation refers several times about this book of life and the importance of one’s name being in it.  Revelation 3:5 states “He who overcomes will, like them (referring to the people in Sardis mentioned in verse 4), be dressed in white.  I will never blot out his name from the book of life, but will acknowledge his name before my Father and His angels.”  However, in other instances there are great consequences for one’s name not being in the book of life (Revelation 13:8, 17:8, 20:15, 21:27). 

With this in mind, here are a few observations.

• 1.       God could teach us lots about love found in a bar.  There are some strong implications for the church in both of these misfit songs.
• 2.       God knows your name.  He cares so much for you that He has made a way for you to have fellowship with Him through His son.
• 3.       God wants your name to be written in the book of life.
• 4.       God knows all about you yet through Christ He loves you! 
• 5.       The devil knows your name but calls you by your sin.  God knows your sin but calls you by your name!
• 6.       God knows that there may have been lots of lost time between you and He, but He is willing and able to begin making you feel loved and appreciated right now.

Who are you?   

 
Taking a break from all your worries, sure would help a lot. 

Wouldn't you like to get away? 

The beautiful thing about the love of God is that it is available to you and me right now, right here, and you don’t have to get away.  His arms are open wide and He knows your name.

Who are you?  In the eyes of God through Christ you are a saint, you are a priest, you are a chosen people.  How do I know? The Bible tells me so.

Were You There?

One of my favorite songs during this time of the year is the old spiritual Were You There.  My family has to suffer early in the morning when I pretend I have a rich baritone voice and sing it quite loudly.  Now published in 145 Hymnals, it was first published in William Barton's Old Plantation Hymns in 1899.  It is such a simple song yet one of the most the most powerful hymns of all time.  While it paints a picture of the crucifixion of our Lord and somehow allows you to travel through time to the hill called Golgotha and gives you a front row seat to the most horrific scene of all history where the Son of God is killed.  The passion and pain that this song exhibits reminds me that it was my sin that nailed Him to the tree and my greed that laid Him in the tomb.  The April 10th reading of Oswald Chambers' My Utmost for His Highest reminded me that I must decide to be co-crucified with Christ and that I must make a moral decision about my sin.  I have to decide just as Christ did that my sin not be (in Chambers' words) "curbed or suppressed or counteracted, but crucified."  This decision must be mine and I must allow God to examine me and reveal to me those things that keep me from a closer relationship with Him.  Then I must live out Galatians 2:20 and be crucified with Christ so that I no longer live but Christ lives in me.  Yes, I was there when they nailed Him to that tree and when they laid Him in the tomb.  Okay, maybe I was not there physically, but I am convinced that I was on the heart and in mind of Christ because He knew that I would be a sorry sinner in need of a relationship with a Holy God. So yes, I was there when they nailed Him to that tree and I was there when they laid Him in that tomb.  But thanks be to God that I was there and have experienced His power that raised Him from the dead conquering my sin and overcoming my greed!  This is why I sing with as much passion and gusto as I can "Oh, Oh, Oh, yes sometimes it causes me to tremble, tremble, tremble."  Yes I was there, but so was He....and He is still with me just as He is with you if you have asked Him to be there for you.  Thank you Jesus for loving me that much!  

Dealing with Difficult Conversations

Difficult Conversations

Overview:  Often we are faced with difficult conversations looming in front of us, those times that you know you should talk with someone, but you are fearful to do so.  Perhaps it is letting your parents know that you are moving to another part of the world or you need to confront a co-worker about not doing their job.  Whatever the case, difficult conversations are part of the work environment. This session will identify several types of difficult conversations that are very common in the workplace and steps in overcoming not only the fear but how to actually initiate those conversations for the common good. 

Brainstorm what comes to mind when you hear difficult conversations.  Perhaps your list is similar to the one below:

a.       Ending a relationship

b.      Talking to a co-worker who behaves offensively or makes suggestive comments

c.       Asking a friend to repay a loan

d.      Giving the boss feedback about his/her behavior

e.      Critiquing a colleague’s work

f.        Asking a roommate to move out

g.       Talking to a team member who isn’t keeping commitments

h.      Discussing a problem with sexual intimacy

i.         Confronting a loved one about a substance abuse problem

j.        Talking to a coworker concerning personal hygiene.

What makes these types of conversations difficult? 

Definition of a Difficult Conversation:

One person states that a difficult conversation is “a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong” (Liebau, 2012).  Lynne Cunningham of the Studer Group, an agency that helps promote leadership training, states “after spiders, snakes and public speaking, people seem most afraid of having difficult conversations” (Cunningham, 2013).  Nevertheless, the most difficult thing about difficult conversations is the fear of what may happen. 

Understanding Fear:

Fear has a tendency to make us stop dead in our tracks.  The American Heritage College Dictionary defines fear as “a feeling of agitation and anxiety caused by present or imminent danger” (Pickett, 2007).  Notice what fear is:  a feeling.  Crooner Andy Williams released a song in 1975 that offers some pretty sound advice about feelings.  It is simply “Feelings, Whoa Whoa Feelings.”  The point being made is simply that one must realize that fear is nothing more than a feeling and it should be recognized as such.  Fear can be overcome.  Nelson Mandela once stated “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear” (USA TODAY, 2013). 

Some common acronyms for fear might include the following:

False Evidence Appearing Real

Forget Everything And Run

Face Everything And Rise

If one can understand the concept of fear, he or she is well on the way to having successful difficult conversations.  Overcoming fear is a topic of many seminars, workshops and books.  One such approach offers the following steps to help one overcome fear by utilizing a fear ladder:

·         Make a list. Make a list of the frightening situations related to your phobia. If you’re afraid of flying, your list (in addition to the obvious, such as taking a flight or getting through takeoff) might include booking your ticket, packing your suitcase, driving to the airport, watching planes take off and land, going through security, boarding the plane, and listening to the flight attendant present the safety instructions.

·         Build your fear ladder. Arrange the items on your list from the least scary to the most scary. The first step should make you slightly anxious, but not so frightened that you’re too intimidated to try it. When creating the ladder, it can be helpful to think about your end goal (for example, to be able to be near dogs without panicking) and then break down the steps needed to reach that goal.

·         Work your way up the ladder. Start with the first step (in this example, looking at pictures of dogs) and don’t move on until you start to feel more comfortable doing it. If at all possible, stay in the situation long enough for your anxiety to decrease. The longer you expose yourself to the thing you’re afraid of, the more you’ll get used to it and the less anxious you’ll feel when you face it the next time. If the situation itself is short (for example, crossing a bridge), do it over and over again until your anxiety starts to lessen. Once you’ve done a step on several separate occasions without feeling too much anxiety, you can move on to the next step. If a step is too hard, break it down into smaller steps or go slower.

·         Practice. It’s important to practice regularly. The more often you practice, the quicker your progress will be. However, don’t rush. Go at a pace that you can manage without feeling overwhelmed. And remember: you will feel uncomfortable and anxious as you face your fears, but the feelings are only temporary. If you stick with it, the anxiety will fade. Your fears won’t hurt you.  (Smith, Segal, & Segal, 2014)

Through this process or one similar, one can hurdle the greatest obstacle in actually having a difficult conversation.  The next step could include a variety of methods depending on the type of situation that requires a difficult conversation.  However, one’s ongoing personal development process is a vital piece not only in leadership and character development, but in the approach to how difficult conversations will play out.  Before outlining other steps, this concept of personal development and its benefits should be discussed further.  A recent leadership blog written by leadership expert John C. Maxwell reminds its readers that difficult conversations and the like could be driven by character or by emotion.  Previous discussion above has outlined that fear is a feeling.  It could be stated even further that a feeling could be defined as an emotion.  Dr. Maxwell distinguishes several attributes between character-driven people and emotion-driven people that useful in understanding how difficult conversations should be presented. 

Character-Driven People…	Emotion-Driven People…
1.       Do right, then feel good.	1. Feel good, then do right.
2.       Are commitment driven.	2.       Are convenience driven.
3.       Make principle-based decisions.	3.  Make popular decisions.
4.       Let action control attitude.	4.  Let attitude control action.
5.       Believe it, then see it.	5. See it, then believe it.
6.       Create momentum.	6.  Wait for momentum.
7.       Ask, “What are my responsibilities?”	7.  Ask, “What are my rights?”
8.       Continue when problems arise.	8. Quit when problems arise.
9.       Are steady.	9. Are moody.
10.   Are leaders.	10. Are followers.

(Maxwell, 2014)

As portrayed by the chart above, character-driven people keep going even when it gets tough.  Maxwell goes on to quote the late western novelist Louis L’Amour to show the benefits of being character-driven.  “When asked the key to his prolific writing, he responded, ‘Start writing, no matter what.  The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.’”  In other words, one’s character development will produce significant impact on how he or she approaches many areas of life as well as understanding how to deal with difficult conversations.

With this understanding, it would now be beneficial to enter into a practical discussion concerning difficult conversation models.  The Studer Group identifies several models in which they and others have found great success.  The first model is the Impact Message. This model includes the following four steps:

1.       Describe the behavior

2.       Describe the impact

3.       Indicate the desired change

4.       Get a commitment (Cunningham, 2013)

 This model could be used for a leader to a follower could be incorporated the following way:

                When you don’t follow the guidelines that have been established…

                The result is that I don’t feel I have been clear in what needs to be done…

                I need you to let me know you clearly understand what I expect…

Can you help me make sure that I am explaining in a way that you understand and can accomplish the task?

A second model that the Studer Group utilizes is Cup of Coffee Conversation (Cunningham, 2013).  This would be used in a peer to peer situation.  It begins with affirmation and appreciation but then let them know you saw something that was uncharacteristic and not consistent with the set standards. It could flow the following way:

“Fred, let’s go have a cup of coffee.” Start by telling Fred something that you genuinely appreciate about him and his work. With coffee in hand, “I have noticed that you did not do the report according to the guidelines that the company has established.  This doesn’t live up to our standards and concerns me.”  Then pause and take a sip of coffee.  Typically, this will allow Fred to respond to what you have said.  You are not pointing out what he has done that is bad, but a concern you have experienced. 

A third model described by the Studer Group is the Low Performer Conversation (Cunningham, 2013).  This model helps use an evidence-based model where someone is demonstrating in appropriate behavior which is inconsistent to the established policies.  This would be a conversation that an employer would have with his or her team member.  It would best follow something like the DESK model:

D:  Describe what has been observed.

E:  Evaluate how you feel.

S:  Show what needs to be done.

K:  Know the consequences of continued same performance (Cunningham, 2013).

Benjamin Franklin once stated that “Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave the unsaid the wrong thing at the wrong moment” (Liebau, 2012).  It is important to address the concern that has been presented and not to turn this into a time of bashing and belittlement.

Benefits of Mastering Difficult Conversations

As one can imagine, there are many benefits in becoming a master of difficult conversations.  Liebau has listed several that include the following:

• ·         Kick-starts your career (and strengthens your current position)
• ·         Improves your organization
• ·         It improves and builds stronger relationships
• ·         Revitalizes your community
• ·         It will improve your personal health

o   Releases and prevents built up emotion that studies have shown to be harmful to one’s health

o   Research has shown that the survival rate among those have learned to express themselves effectively is much greater than those that have not (Liebau, 2012)

It can be stated that every person makes mistakes at some time in the work place.  Maxwell’s research and writings previously mentioned imply that a good leader will come alongside someone to help them grow.  He states in another article, “If you’re a leader, it is your responsibility and your privilege to be the person who helps them get better” (Maxwell, John Maxwell on Leadership, 2010).  This demonstrates caring which in turn makes difficult conversations easier to approach.  It is the experience of this writer that those that I lead do not care how much I know until they know how much I care.  If I care and have established that relationship showing them this, then I will be able to have difficult conversations in a more effective manner.  If not, I will be ineffective in that difficult conversation and will perhaps create more problems in my approach.

Works Cited:

Cunningham, L. (2013, April 21). Difficult Conversations: Three Models for Your Leadership. Gulf Breeze, FL. Retrieved March 31, 2014, from https://www.studergroup.com/thoughts/archive/difficult_conversations.dot

Liebau, B. (2012, November). Strategies for Difficult Conversations. Fredericksburg, VA. Retrieved March 31, 2014, from http://students.umw.edu/wellness/files/2012/11/Strategies-for-Difficult-Conversations-Student-Leadership-Conference-November-2012.pdf

Maxwell, J. C. (2010, December 20). John Maxwell on Leadership. Retrieved January 8, 2014, from http://johnmaxwellonleadership.com/2010/12/20/for-leaders-balancing-care-with-candor/

Maxwell, J. C. (2014, April 11). Are You Driven By Character or Emotion? Retrieved from http://www.johnmaxwell.com/blog/are-you-driven-by-character-or-emotion?utm_source=WhatCounts+Publicaster+Edition&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Are+You+Driven+by+Character+or+Emotion%3f+%7c+By%3a+John+C.+Maxwell&utm_content=CLICK+HERE

Pickett, J. P. (Ed.). (2007). The American Heritage College Dictionary (Fourth ed.). Boston: Houghton Mifflin Company.

Ringer, J. (n.d.). We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations. Retrieved April 12, 2012, from www.judyringer.com

Smith, M., Segal, R., & Segal, J. (2014). Phobias and Fears. Retrieved April 11, 2014, from http://www.helpguide.org/mental/phobia_symptoms_types_treatment.htm

USA TODAY. (2013, December 6). 15 of Nelson Mandela's Best Quotes.

My Daughter's School Assignment

I shouldn't be surprised.  She has always been creative.  She has always been smart. And, she has always been independent.  So when she shared with me her assignment from one of her 6th grade classes, I knew I had to exercise my parental bragging rights and share this with you....with her permission of course!  Check out this insight from an 11 year old.....

I’m from the secrets that have never been retold.

The whispers sway one direction, not to be swayed again.

The sweet sound of my mother’s voice, crushed into a noise that only I can hear.

I’m from the sweet memories as if they were my feet, I walk on them everyday.

Crushing, breaking, destroying the bad, making new memories.

I’m from the tragic, devastating moments that made me scared and stubborn.

I’m from the cumbers my grandpa grew.

The fresh, green veggie that came up from the soil.

I’m from those sunny Sunday mornings that brought me closer to God.

I’m from those times my sisters dropped vases on their toe.

I’m from those fights that never lasted, the ones where we belly laughed afterword.

From the holding hands when I prayed to sipping Dr. Pepper.

The rivalry between the bears and the panthers that always lasted.

I’m from those summer nights when you would have to eat my momma’s fries for dessert.

The crisp, darkened potato slices you’d have to digest for sweetness.

From playing ball, to dancing around.

I’m from North Carolina, where we do things right.

That’s where I’m from, so what have you gotta say?

 Madi Marlowe

3-10-2014

Waiting...

Are you patient?  Do you like to wait?  I can honestly say that patience is not one of my virtues.  In fact, I am certain that my blood pressure is at its highest when I am in a line or when I have been asked to wait.  Pardon my disgust when one pipes in, "Good things come to those that wait!"  I want to body slam them. Then there is the time recently when I had a kidney stone.  The doctor was telling me to wait and allow the medicine to work.  No thank you.  Waiting is not for me. From slow drive-through's to checking out at Walmart to even sitting in the car on Sunday morning waiting on my family to go to church, I do not like waiting.  My theme song has become Brad Paisley's "Waitin' On a Woman" (since I do have a wife, 4 daughters, a dog and cat which both happen to be female).  I love my family, don't get me wrong, but, I despise waiting.  You can imagine then, what my life has been like over the last several months as I have been in a season of waiting.  It seems that lately I have been forced to wait in just about every area of my life.  Vocationally, I have had to wait on decisions to be made and personnel to be put in place.  Physically, I have had the aforementioned kidney stone and literally had to wait for relief.  I have also had some problems with my feet (again) that has prevented me from walking like I want to do. However,I have changed my diet and am supplementing a program of healthy shakes to give me energy, better circulation, and increased overall health.  Spiritually, I have practiced the disciplines of worship, prayer, Bible reading, and meditation.  I have participated in small groups studies and have even faithfully taught a Men's Bible study on a weekly basis.  Yet, in all of these areas, I do not see the results I long to have.  I have waited for things to be different, yet they seem to digress instead of getting better.  When does the waiting start to pay off?

Maybe you can identify with where I am.  Perhaps you have also been waiting.  Maybe you are in somewhat of a waiting wilderness.  A prodigal to come home.  A medical report to be good news.  A promotion that is overdue.  A sign from God that this is the right direction.  Whatever it is that you and I are waiting on, God's word reminds us in many verses that He is there in our midst and understands exactly where we are and what we are going through.

God's word also tells us that waiting is being obedient.  For example, Psalm 27:14 parallels waiting on the Lord with strength. "Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD" (NIV).  Twice in one verse, God commands us to wait.  

Isaiah 40:31 in many translations indicates that waiting provides renewal, strength, flight, and endurance.

    "But those who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength, 

    they shall mount up with wings like eagles, 

    they shall run and not be weary, 

    they shall walk and not faint." (NRSV)

It does not take long for one to find hope in just these two verses.  Isn't that just the way God works?  In our despair and frustration, we are able to call out to Him and realize He is faithful and trustworthy.  We are reminded that "grass withers and flowers fade, but the word of God lasts forever."

In my season of waiting, I have learned a few things.  First I have learned through reflection, that I have fared better than perhaps I thought.  Those who are close to me have told me that I have shown great patience over the past few months.  I have been told that I have been a testimony to many.  Humbly I am compelled to do better.  Secondly, I am in a better place spiritually than I have been in a long time.  My prayers are more fervent than I can recently remember.  I have become more aware of God's presence in my prayers, my worship, my Bible reading and meditation.  I long to study the word of God more and have a hunger for it.  Thirdly, I am becoming more dependent on God and less dependent on myself.  For the first time in a long while, I am learning like Paul to be content in whatever state I am in, recognizing that God's faithfulness and mercy are with me and will not leave me nor forsake me.  A friend called me the other night simply to encourage me, pray with me, and remind me that God is always at work. The call was just at the right time. Think that was orchestrated by the One that knows every hair on my head, knows every thought that I have and the One that has created me as His masterpiece?  Yea...me too.  

My wilderness is becoming the promised land.

Be encouraged.  Waiting is a season.  Seasons change.  Maybe good things do come to those that wait.  

It is time!

I have had the privilege of attending a simulcast of the Global Leadership Summit, an annual event sponsored by the Willow Creek Association.  I attended with two other men from my church.  Last night as we were discussing the highlights of the day, I shared that in my current position, I felt my hands were tied and my feet were bound and that prevented me from doing some of the leadership practices that had been taught during the course of the Summit.  I had no sooner gotten those words out when my friend Jimmy said, "then lead from your knees!"  I immediately called him a name that I shall not repeat here.  He was  right.  I was making excuses implying that someone else was controlling me and the abilities I  had.  I was also saying that I was limited and I was constrained. My perspective needed to change.  With one comment, my friend showed me that I have become too dependent on my circumstances and my self.  I have been trying to do things for a long time based on my abilities. I was reminded that is is time for me to stop relying on my abilities and start relying on the abilities of my Savior.  

I have prayed every day that I can remember.  I have prayed for others to be blessed.  I have prayed for wisdom.  I have prayed for my family.  I have prayed for my finances and I have prayed for others' finances.  I have prayed for sickness and I have prayed for those who were mourning.  I have prayed for everything under the sun it seems.  I would have until yesterday, considered myself a praying man.  Even so, in just a moment, I was challenged beyond challenges. "Lead from your knees." So I did.  Bad knees and all.  This morning my prayer posture changed.  In my room, alone, in the quiet of the morning, I was able to get on my knees before a Holy and Mighty God and totally submit my leadership abilities and inabilities, my talents and lack of talent, and my circumstances which I can control and those which I cannot.  It was time.  I do not know what the future holds, but I do, without a shadow of doubt, know Who holds my future.

Gutted

In the movie "The Lone Ranger," the villain kills Captain Dan Reid, the brother of John Reid.  It is a nasty scene and the Texas Ranger is for lack of better terms, gutted.  The rest of the movie is about how John Reid partners with a Native American and avenges his brother Captain Reid's horrific death.  I must confess that as I watched this scene, I thought this is really bad and probably something that I should not have taken my family to see.  Funny thing is, my daughters loved it!  They thought it was cool when "that guy was gutted!"  I have officially failed as a father, but that is a different blog for another time.  Have you ever been gutted?  Maybe not grotesquely like portrayed in this movie, but perhaps you have been gutted in a different way.  Perhaps a relationship that you poured everything into ended abruptly.  Perhaps that job promotion you deserved and wanted but you were not chosen.  Perhaps an injury sidelines you your senior season.  Perhaps it was that last glimmer of hope that faded completely away.  Gutted.  One definition states it this way:  "to remove the vital or essential parts from."  Gutted. Have you ever had something happen to you that removed the vital or essential parts from your inner being?  Gutted. Unfortunately, life happens and when it does, things do not always turn out the way you planned or hoped.  So when you have been gutted, what do you do?  When you find yourself dealing with the pain of being gutted, you may find yourself at a loss in what to do.  As you review and think about your circumstance, here are a few recommendations to get through that feeling of being gutted.  

First, look where you are standing both figuratively and literally.  Are you in a place geographically that you should not be?  There are places where one needs to be very careful.   An alcoholic would not do well in a bar.  A glutton would not do well at a buffet.  A kleptomaniac would not do well at a store that allows customers to pay "on your honor."  The point is that if one knows his or her limitations, one should be careful in the environment which they dwell.  This happens when self-examination occurs on a regular basis.  What are you standing on?  Matthew 7:24-27 portrays difference between the wise and foolish builders.  The foolish builder builds his house on the sand but when the storm comes and the waters rise, the house is washed away.  The wise builder has built on a firm foundation that is rock solid.  The Psalmist wrote "the Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock."  Where are you standing and what are you standing on right now?  Look at your feet.  Chances are if you are standing on a rock of truth right now, you will be still standing on that same rock when you are gutted.  If you are not, guess which one moved?

Secondly, look around you.  Who is influencing your decisions?  Are you working with those that build you up or tear you down?  Are you hanging with those that help keep your feet on the rock or are just like the sand described above that shifts with the wind and the waves life brings?  1 Corinthians 15:33 says it bluntly:  "Do not be misled:  Bad company corrupts good character."  Proverbs 22:24-25 states "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared."  Back in my Youth Ministry days, I always had great results illustrating this.  I would stand on the stage and get the smallest teenager in the crowd to come stand on the floor below while I was up on a stage, usually about two feet higher.  I would ask the small teenager if they thought they could defeat me when I towered over them in size.  Then, I would stand on the edge of the stage with my feet hanging off and ask them to try to pull me off the stage.  No matter how hard I tried to keep my balance, even the smallest teenager could pull me off the stage.  It is much easier to be pulled down that to pull someone else up!  If you are in a situation where you have been gutted, will you be pulled down?  Will you  find good counsel from those around you?  

Thirdly, look within.  Where does your hope lie?  What is the basis of your hope?  The Prophet Isaiah stated in Isaiah 40:31 "but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on the wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."  The writer of Hebrews talks about this hope as "an anchor for the soul, (that is) firm and secure" (Hebrews 6:19; ref. v. 11-20).  Hope does not give in nor does it give up.  1 Corinthians 13:13 tells us that when all is said and done, faith, hope and love remain.  This same powerful passage reminds us that the greatest of this is love.  Incidentally, love is the basis for our hope.  John 3:16 reminds us that God so loved that He gave. God Himself was gutted through the gift He gave.  The darkest time that has ever been written about in history was when Christ died on that cross (see Matthew 27:45-56; Mark 15:33-41; Luke 23:44-49).  Gutted.  Thanks be to God that the story does not end there.  The tragedy of the cross was triumphed in the resurrection.  The darkness turned into day.  As a result, when you are gutted, you can also see your tragedy turn into triumph and your darkness can turn into day, but only if you place your hope in the resurrected Christ and the assurance His word brings.  The Bible is full of promises on which we can build this foundation of hope.  For example, Isaiah 41:10 states, "So do not fear, for I am with you: do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."  Romans 8:31-39 would also be a great reminder which you and I can build upon.  Other verses to build upon will be Colossians 1:13-14; Psalm 40:1-3; Psalm 46:1; and Psalm 56:3-4 just to name a few.  

Have you been gutted?  Most likely you have been.  Each one of the descriptions at the beginning of this article happened all within one week all within one community.  Was it bad karma? Was it bad luck?  Was it life?  Choose what you want it to be, but when it happens to you, you do not have to give up.  There is hope.  There is truth. 

 "And we know that is all things God works for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).